can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
