I got chris browned last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
