I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
