sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
