I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
