It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
