totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
