I didn't shave. On purpose
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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