can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
