If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
