Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize