whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
