so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
