They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
