On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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