I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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