The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
