i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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