I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
