what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
