Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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