my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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