textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
