Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
