do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
