Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
