I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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