Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
