There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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