yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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