She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
