We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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