I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
