No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize