i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
