About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
