make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
