I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
