does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize