"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to be your penis for a week.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
