my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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