At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
