me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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