My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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