mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
