I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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