You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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