I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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