Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this boner is exhausting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
