so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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