I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
