update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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