I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize