Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
