I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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