toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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