My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
