Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
