pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
only you would photoshop your dick
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize