I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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