there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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