I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
