oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
