I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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