I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
