I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
