she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
