he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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