That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
