it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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