I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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