I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
