conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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